ADAM BEZAAR

There is a scene in Crime and Punishment that I keep returning to. Not the murder. Not the confession. The tavern. Raskolnikov sits across from a man named Marmeladov, a former civil servant, drunk and ruined, who has just spent his family’s last coins on more drink. His wife is tubercular. His stepdaughter Sonya has been pushed into prostitution to feed children that aren’t even hers. And Marmeladov knows all of this. He narrates it himself, in excruciating detail, with comp

Sometimes, I get the feeling that my mother knows. Not the full, ugly truth of it, not the details I lock away, but the shape of my struggle. She has a hunch, a maternal instinct that pierces through the walls I build. I'm at an age where most mothers' worries are painted in the bright, cautionary colors of rebellion; bad company, late nights, getting into trouble. But her worry for me is different. It’s softer, quieter, and in its own way, much louder. She doesn't ask where

I often travel for work. As a structural engineer, doing site visits and inspections is part of job. This time though something happened. Something that kept me thinking long after the fligjt landed. I was flying, and the plane started shaking. Turbulent weather is common in winter in the Midwest. The surprising thing was that while others were panicking and I could clearly hear the commotion caused by the turbulence, I felt calm. I did not even open my eyes. I simply recited