In my heart, there are fears that never leave me. The fear of commitment, the fear of rejection, and the fear of abandonment. My life seems to be a revolving door, and I am unable to keep anyone within it for long. They enter and exit, as though I am some sort of way station. Even if someone wishes to remain, they cannot, because life or circumstances intervene. Or perhaps I, in fear of becoming too vulnerable or attached, push them away.
No matter what I do, I am unable to sustain an attachment. And the fear of pain that it brings eventually is what causes me to build high walls around myself, a lonely tower of isolation. Yet, even this existence is painful, and manifests in various ways. So, I focus on my professional goals and milestones, always moving forward, head down. The more I achieve, the more superior I feel, and the more I am alienated from others. How can I be satisfied with being one of the crowd, when I have left them all behind?
This alienation is not the only problem, for the grandeur I have achieved seems useless and stifling. God has given me much, and for that, I am grateful. But to speak and feel this way seems like a sin in itself, leaving me feeling empty and ungrateful. I am lost and uncertain of what to do.

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