My dear, the distinction between right and wrong is not lost on me. I am fully capable of comporting myself in a manner deemed appropriate by society. The conventions of basic social decency are well within my grasp, and I know how to respond to the demands of the world. However, that is not my natural inclination.
If only you knew the toll that it takes to restrain the demons that reside within me. It is a constant struggle, a never-ending battle waged against the self. The energy required to quell the passions that rage within me is staggering.
But one cannot suppress these inner demons indefinitely. They will eventually erupt forth, with no warning and with devastating consequences. Hence, it is better to unleash them upon oneself, to let them devour one's soul piece by piece, rather than unleash them upon others.
It is a heavy burden to carry, knowing that we were unjust to ourselves. We know that we have not caused harm to anyone else, but the self-inflicted agony that we endure is beyond measure. Despite our capacity to wreak havoc upon the lives of others, we have chosen to inflict it upon ourselves, as an act of penance.
In the end, it is a painful yet cathartic feeling, to know that we have exercised such restraint and self-control, even in the midst of the greatest turmoil. The weight of our actions is heavy, and the only solace we have is in the knowledge that we have stayed true to our moral code, even in the face of the most intense temptations.
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