I have never been particularly religious, although I have always believed in God. I have not consistently kept up with prayers and religious practices, as I never felt the need to fully devote myself to them. In the past, my moderately religious lifestyle was enough for me to lead a relatively happy life. However, I experienced a downward spiral and my life became increasingly difficult. Despite hearing that prayer and prostration could help me overcome this darkness and achieve my desires, I did not pay attention until I hit rock bottom and was close to giving up. At this point, I decided to become regular with my prayers, but I am now facing a new dilemma. My mind has become accustomed to a self-destructive mechanism, and I feel undeserving of my prayers being heard. In the past, I rarely thanked God when my life was going well, and now that I am experiencing dark times, I am seeking refuge in prayer. I am struggling to trust that God will provide for me, as I fear that my prayers are selfish and superficial, aimed solely at obtaining my desires. This negative connotation attached to prayer has left me feeling lost and uncertain.
8/22/21 My Hollow Prostrations.
Updated: Apr 28, 2023
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