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3/27/24 The Lost Gaze

Updated: Mar 29

In the quiet moments of introspection, I often ponder: How should one define oneself? The query of “Who am I?” echoes within my mind. Surely, my name cannot be the entirety of my identity, for it is merely a label by which I am known. Nor can I equate my personality or behaviors to my essence, as they are transient traits that, particularly in my case, fluctuate within mere moments.

Given that an individual is invariably shaped by their environment, I wonder about the extent of influence my surroundings have upon me. It appears that the definition of a person is ever evolving, transforming with each passing second. This realization leads me to believe that there is no fixed, immutable definition of a person. As I attempt to define myself, the moment in which that definition might hold true slips away, rendering it obsolete. And since, We evolve with every fleeting moment, the true culmination of our existence is realized only in the very last instant of our life. And since it is the final moment, it eludes definition, leaving us to pass from this world without ever truly being known to another.

Or perhaps this perspective on defining a person is inherently flawed. It could be that it is the observer through whose lens one defines oneself. An eye through which a person sees his own reflection. An eye that not only validated one’s existence but also makes ones own image perfect. An eye that makes one realize that he is enough and through which one finds peace in one’s own self. It is this very gaze through which we discover tranquility within ourselves. How tragic it is for those who never encounter such a gaze. Even worse off are the ones who once basked in such a gaze, only to lose it… I belong to the latter group.

Allow me to elucidate the gravity of such misfortune, for I believe its magnitude warrants further explanation. The loss is not merely about the absence of the eyes that once saw us as special. It is the profound regret of failing to cherish those eyes and the beholder enough to persuade them to remain. Can you grasp the significance of this? Imagine being unable to uphold something as vital as your own identity in the esteemed regard it merits __ for that person and those eyes were what gave you your identity. They made you "YOU". In failing to make that person realize their importance, you invariably betrayed your own identity. Such a failure justly merits the anguish that accompanies the agitation of one’s soul. Such a person rightfully deserves the instability that comes with the lack of self Identity... That person is the true definition of a Rascal.

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