I am always agitated. I find the source of this agitation in my ability to feel things a bit too much. To protect myself from that I developed a defense mechanism; i tend to avoid people in a way that they don’t feel comfortable enough around me to share their problems and tragedies with me. I would act aloof and distant so that i wouldn’t have to know what others are going through for i wouldn’t feel their pain if i didn’t know it. I guess ignorance really is bliss.
But I always envied people who not only stayed calm but radiated a sense of calmness. Those who identified as “empaths” and are very social. I used to wonder: how do these individuals, who enjoy engaging with others and can sense what others are feeling, maintain their composure? And their sanity, for that matter. I recently met someone like this and was fascinated, albeit momentarily. A little probing made everything clear as a day.
My fascination lasted for just a moment. It was as if it just waived at me as it passed by. My initial inkling of “People are always disappointing” always stands true. I have come to realize that people, though claim to be an “empath” don’t actually know what this superior intellect is. People might understand its meaning, but what it truly involves escapes them. Calm individuals either lack the intellect to fully embrace this mindset or simply don't have the strength for it. They appear to be weak.
Let me explain what empathy truly entails. It isn't just a term to memorize and wear like a badge of honor. It requires setting aside your own experiences, rationality, and analysis (no matter how impressive you think they are). Empathy involves placing yourself in another person's situation. It’s like a two fold misery. Not only are you relinquishing your position that took you so long to achieve, it also makes you venture in a completely unknown territory and makes you live their miseries and feel what they are feeling in the context of how they are feeling it.
"To be too conscious is an illness. A real thorough going illness" __ Dostoyevsky
Most people, who so easily purports to be an empath, are just wearing a garb. A mule in a lions skin. They will go above and beyond to make you believe that. To make you open up to them and when eventually you do you hear comments of how your problems make them feel. Like a verdict on your feelings in the context of their subjective experiences instead of your own. It tends to not only negate your feelings and the intensity with which you feel it but it also makes you feel small. Makes you feel weak for feeling such a way.
After doing that, they pass a sanctimonious comment like, “I had to tell the truth as i am not a fan of pretending” or, “all this seems quite childish to me”. As in claiming the high ground after negating everything the other person feels, they still manage to maintain the facade of having a moral high ground. This I believe is the source of their “calmness”. This lower intellect. This false sense of empathy. This entitlement of passing judgement on someone’s experiences so blatantly. And this want of treating every one as a case study to gauge others experiences on their own barometer. That is the source of their calmness.
I therefore have concluded that most people that are calm have a lower intellect and though they like to claim “empathy” as a trait to make themselves feel good, they don’t know a single thing about it. If that is what it means to be calm, i am good with my agitations. At least i get to care for the handful of people that i do want to care about. Thankful to have figured out that I don’t need to be fascinated by these kind of people. They are mostly just dumb.
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